Each Monday I will share my heart and a little bit more about this girl who happens to paint. :) Recently, you may have seen my post about a local event called "Soul Mate Live" (SML).This takes place two-three times a year at my church in Memphis Tennessee. The purpose is to bring together young married couples and prayerfully equip them to build a solid foundation for their marriage. Marriages are being attacked from all sides and challenged in different areas.
My husband, Chad, and I are humbled to be involved in this ministry and feel that God has truly united our hearts in this area. We have a passion for Biblical marriage and pray that God will speak truth into the hearts of those who are growing, hurting, and searching through each season of their marriages.
Recently Chad spoke about Communication in marriage. I wanted to share what he called the "Four T's in Communication."
I truly believe Communication is the bridge to intimacy in marriage. The following are four ways you can better communicate with your spouse....
1. Tone
a. Your tone will absolutely make or break what you’re trying to convey. You can say the exact same thing in different tones and deliver an entirely different message to your spouse.
b. Few examples:
i. That’s great!!! (SUPER EXCITED )
ii. That’s great (DISINTERESTED)My son Caleb had an experience with an adult recently where he got this one. As he was telling me about it my oldest son Carson said, “Yeah dad, that’s what adults say when they don’t think your idea was any good.”
iii. Oh, that’s great! (ANGRY)
c. Watch how you say what you say
2. Time - Here is a great rule for communication with your spouse. It’s a very simple acronym that actually is used in programs that deal with chemical dependency. But the same principal applies in marriage communication.
a. H.A.L.T. - Never initiate a critical conversation when one of you is HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, TIRED.
b. Angry - I understand that many times the issues themselves, or perhaps your spouse’s response to certain issues, is the very reason you are angry. Yet, anger does nothing to help you deal with issues effectively. Quite the contrary: anger causes you to feel tense and irritable; anger causes you to see things more narrowly with a "closed" point of view; anger causes you to say things you wouldn't ordinarily say. Don't engage in any charged discussion when angry. Call a "time out" and resume discussions when you are calm and clear-headed. What’s scripture tell us?
c. James 1:19 (NLT) - Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
d. Ephesians 4:26-27 (ESV) - 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
e. The words that we’re capable of saying when we’re angry can have permanent impact. And men, know this, your wife has remembered words you’ve said to her years ago and you can’t even remember what you had for lunch yesterday.
f. James 3:5 (ESV) - So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
g. Youcan build your marriage up with words of affirmation, encouragement, OR you can absolutely burn it to the ground. And that’s why it’s much better to save those big conversations for times other than when you’re feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Literally HALT in the name of love!
3. Trust – you’ve got to give your spouse the right to complain and keep their dignity.
a. Controlling/dominant spouses (and they can be male or female) will make you pay a price for saying how you feel. Don’t be that way. Let your spouse be free to say how they feel without fear of retribution or attack.
b. What it doesn’t mean is that you have to agree or even understand the position that your spouse is taking. What it does mean is that you’ve established an environment where they will never have to pay a price for expressing it and that builds confidence and trust.
4. Truth –
a. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) - 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
b. There is no other relationship in your life that will require more Christlikeness than the relationship with your spouse. Why? Because you know everything about them. The good, the bad and the ugly. Just like Christ knows all that stuff about you.
c. “Truth without grace is mean and grace without truth is meaningless.” – Jimmy Evans
d. Research has proven that marriages that experience conflict with appropriate resolution are more satisfied than marriages that don’t experience any conflict at all. Why is that? Because if you never fight in your marriage because you never talk about the things that really matter your satisfaction will plummet over time.
e. What does that look like? “I love you, but I need to tell you how that made me feel.”
Thanks for allowing me to share a little about me... I would love to hear your thoughts...
Xo kristi
No comments:
Post a Comment